Blonding - 7/14/17

I love blonde jokes!  So send me your favorites via NoteCard inworld and I'll try to post the best of them.

Photo and joke by me ♥  -Ali

Blonde Joke of the Month

Wood Delivery

  
This is another real life story that just seems too good to pass up as the official joke..

 My girlfriend Loren and I were at home on a recent Sunday afternoon when the doorbell rang.  "I'll get it!" Lori called to me and so I went back to replying to my emails.  After a few minutes she came to find me.  She said, "You need to come see."  Off we went to the front door when what did I see standing there grinning from ear to ear but a gorgeous young man of about 30 or so with raven hair, the brightest blue eyes and a hard-to-miss strapping physique beneath his t-shirt and jeans.  "Ali, meet Sean," Loren bubbled.  Bear in mind that Loren and I are both blondes.  What happens next really did take place..

     Sean:  It's very nice to meet both of you ladies.  I'm here to deliver the wood.

     Loren:  That's sounds so good, Sean.  Ali, did you hear that?  Sean is here to deliver the wood.

     Ali:  My, that does sound good.  Do you have a lot of wood to deliver, Sean?

     Sean:  Yes, it's quite a bit, actually.

     Loren:  Wow, how much?

     Sean checks his paperwork:  Well, it's the largest load that I can deliver.

     Loren:  What do you think, Ali?  Can we take it in the back?

     Ali:  Oh, if it's that big it really should go in the back.

     Loren:  I agree.  A load that large.. you really need to put that in the back, Sean.

     Sean:  So you want all of it in the back?

     Ali:  Will it fit?

     Loren:  Too much wood in the back could be an issue.

     Sean:  I'll have a look around the other side, but I'm pretty sure I can squeeze it all in.

     Ali:  Well, don't let us stop you, Sean.

     Sean:  Oh, I wont.

(See another story where Loren and I teased the poor host at a restaurant here:

http://slpornstarconfidential.blogspot.com/2016/06/blonding.html)

Blonding

 

 

 

 

I love blonde jokes!  So send me your favorites via NoteCard inworld and I'll try to post the best of them.

Stunning Beauty Model: Jori Jewell

Joke and photo by me ♥  -Ali

Blonde Joke of the Month

 

 

  Blonde Gamble

 

 

  Two casino dealers are at the craps table when a cute blonde comes over and says, "I want to bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. But, if you don't mind, I'd I feel much luckier if I were completely nude."

They say fine, she strips naked and rolls the dice. Then she screams, "I won! I won!" She starts jumping up and down, hugs each of the dealers, and then picks up her money and her clothes and walks away.

For a minute the two dealers stare at each other. Then the first one says, "What did she roll, anyway?" The second dealer says, "I don't know. I thought you were watching."

Blonding

I love blonde jokes!  So send me your favorites via NoteCard inworld and I'll try to post the best of them.

Jokes and photo by me ♥  -Ali

Blonde Jokes of the Month

  

  Blonde Debt

   Two blondes are walking down a dark alley when a mugger approaches them and demands their money.  They both grudgingly open their purses and begin taking out their cash.  Just then, one blonde turns to the other, hands her a bill, and says, "Hey, here's that $20 I owe you."

Blonde Confession

   A man goes to confession and says to the priest, "Father, I have sinned. I slept with five blonde women last night."  The priest says, "Go home, squeeze five lemons into a cup, and drink it really fast."  The man asks, "Will that absolve me of all my sins?"  The priest says, "No. But it will wipe that smirk off your face."

Blonding

 

 

 

 

I love blonde jokes!  So send me your favorites via NoteCard inworld and I'll try to post the best of them.

Joke and photo by me ♥  -Ali

Blonde Joke of the Month

  

  Paint Job

 

   A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Blonding

I love blonde jokes!  So send me your favorites via NoteCard inworld and I'll try to post the best of them.

Joke and "Beach Blonde" photo by me ♥  -Ali

Blonde Joke of the Week

A Blonde, a Redhead and a Brunette were competing in the English Channel Breast Stroke Competition.  The Redhead won and the Brunette came in second.  However, there was no sign of the final contestant.

Hours and hours went by causing grave concern and worry.  Just as everyone was losing hope, the Blonde finally arrived.  The crowd was extremely happy and relieved to see her.  They embraced the young girl as she came ashore.

After all of the excitement died down, she leaned over to the judge and whispered, "I hate to be a bad loser, but I think those other girls used their arms."

Blonding

I love blonde jokes!  So send me your favorites via NoteCard inworld and I'll try to post the best of them.

Joke and "Cake by the Ocean" photo by me ♥  -Ali

Blonde Joke of the Week

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy efficient kind.

Today, I got a call from a man at Home Depot who installed them.  He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellooo-ooo....  Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I'm automatically stupid.

So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year...that these windows would pay for themselves in a year.  Hellooooo?  "It's been a year, so they're paid for," I told him.

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up.  He never called back.

I bet he felt like an idiot.

Blonding

I love blonde jokes!  So send me your favorites via NoteCard inworld and I'll try to post the best of them.

Joke by Rachel Avro ∙ Photo of Rachel by me ♥  -Ali

Blonde Joke of the Week

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning although none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first woman, a redhead, is strapped into the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent.” They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.

The second Woman, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, “I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.” They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.

The last woman, a blonde, is strapped in and she says, “Well, I’m from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug it in."

Blonding

I love blonde jokes!  So send me your favorites via NoteCard inworld and I'll try to post the best of them.

Photo with Chloé Cotton by me ♥  -Ali

Blonde Joke of the Week

So I was logged into Second Life and IM chatting with my little one Chloé (we're both RL blonde), when with no warning *flicker-flicker-poof!* my RL power went out.  This is common where I live - no winds, no storm, no reason - just poof.  Thankfully it came back up after a few minutes and I logged back on.  First thing, I IM'd Chloé again:

[17:06] Ali (ali.lancrae): lectric went out
[17:06] Ali (ali.lancrae): :(
[17:06] Chloé Cσttoη (chloe82xx): uhoh
[17:06] Ali (ali.lancrae): yeah, it's like living in Baghdad here
[17:06] Chloé Cσttoη (chloe82xx): is it back yet then?
[17:07] Ali (ali.lancrae): i'll check
[17:07] Chloé Cσttoη (chloe82xx): ok let me know

Yes, that did happen  ^^

Blonding

I love blonde jokes!  So send me your favorites via NoteCard inworld and I'll try to post the best of them.

Photo by me ♥  -Ali

Blonde Joke of the Week

So, the other day I was out in the yard and my neighbor, who is also blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy!  I didn’t know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck, and I starting jumping up and down along with her.

She said, “I have some really great news!”

I said, “Great. Tell me why you’re so happy.”

She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant!  I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her, “That’s great!  I couldn’t be happier for you!”  Then she said, “There’s more.”

I asked, “What do you mean ‘more’?”

She said, “Well, we are not having just one baby.  We are going to have TWINS!”

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.  And she said…

"Well, that was the easy part.   I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack.  Both tests came out positive!"

Blonding

I love blonde jokes!  So send me your favorites via NoteCard inworld and I'll try to post the best of them.

 Photo by me ♥  -Ali

Blonde Joke of the Week

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is angry, she opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief.

She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells “No, honey, don’t do it!”

And the blonde replies “Shut up, you’re next.”

Blonding

I love blonde jokes!  So send me your favorites via NoteCard inworld and I'll try to post the best of them.

   Blonde Joke submitted by Talisker Braveheart ∙ Photo by Ali

Blonde Joke of the Week

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. Digging through her purse the driver was getting progressively more agitated.  "What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.  "Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop too."

Blonding

I love blonde jokes!  So send me your favorites via NoteCard inworld and I'll try to post the best of them.

Blonde Joke and Photo of Amia submitted by G Edelmann

Blonde Joke of the Week

A blonde has passed the bar exam at law school and gotten a good job as an attorney with a law firm.  She is determined to prove that blondes are not stupid like the jokes make them out to be.

One day our lawyer is driving out in the country, gazing at the grassy fields as she passes them by and enjoying the view of the rolling countryside.

Suddenly, she takes notice of another blonde out in the middle of a field, sitting in a rowboat and using the oars, trying to row.  The lawyer slams on the brakes skidding to a stop, backs up and parks across from the blonde in the boat.

Leaping out of her car mad as hell, she begins to give the blonde in the boat a lecture about how it's blondes like her that make it so hard for her to be accepted and taken seriously as an attorney.

She tells the blonde in the boat how acting like that and doing idiotic things makes all blondes look dumb.  She goes on and on telling off the boat blonde in no uncertain terms and she winds it up by saying, "If you weren't out there in that boat I'd beat your ditsy ass but I can't swim so this is you're lucky day!"  Returning to her car, she slams the door and speeds off.

Blonding

I love blonde jokes!  So send me your favorites via NoteCard inworld and I'll try to post the best of them.

 

 Blonde Joke submitted by Moonie Quasimodo, Photo by Ryu Quasimodo

 

 

 

Blonde Joke of the Week

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of.  She decided to dye her hair so she would look like a brunette.  Once she had finished and her hair was brown, she went for a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for awhile, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"

She got out of the car, walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"

The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."

The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she drove away the farmer walked up to her and asked, "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

 

 

 

 

Blonding

I love blonde jokes!  So send me your favorites via NoteCard inworld and I'll try to post the best of them.

No one submitted pics or jokes this time, so - Photo and Blonde Joke by me!

Blonde Joke of the Week

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert.  They found a lamp and rubbed it.  A genie popped out and granted them each one wish.  The redhead wished to be back home.  Poof! She was back home.  The brunette wished to be at home with her family.  Poof! She was back home with her family.  The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

Blonding

I love blonde jokes!  So send me your favorites via NoteCard inworld and I'll try to post the best of them.

 Photo: Ali by Ali  ∙  Blonde Joke by Bane Caedus

Blonde Joke of the Week

Three pregnant ladies were sitting and having a chat - a blonde, a brunette and a red head.

The brunette claimed, "I know I am having a boy because I was on top."

The redhead added,  "I know I am having a girl because I was on the bottom."

The blonde burst into tears and when the other women asked her what was wrong she wailed, "I'm gonna have puppies!"

Blonding

I love blonde jokes!  So send me your favorites via NoteCard inworld and I'll try to post the best of them.

Sexy photo and joke submitted by Carter Holloway

Blonde Joke of the Week

A blind man enters a bar and finds his way to a barstool.  After ordering a drink and sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”  The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet.

In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something.  The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate.  What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter.  The woman to your right is a blonde and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister.  You still wanna tell that blonde joke?”

The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

Blonding

I love blonde jokes!  So send me your favorites via NoteCard inworld and I'll try to post the best of them.

  Thinks "No Dress Code" means she can't wear a dress.

Photo and jokes submitted by Ali

(that's me)

And yes, I'm really a blonde.  All this 'brunette' you see in Second Life is just wigs.

 

Blonde Jokes of the Week

BLONDE Q&A:

Q: Why can't blondes be pharmacists?

A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

Q: What is a blonde's blood type?

A: Pink glitter.

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?

A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?

A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on.It's off.

Q: How does a blonde turn on the light after she has had sex?

A: She opens the car door.

Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?

A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?

A: A know-it-all bitch.

 Q: What does a blonde do with her asshole in the evening?

A: Drops him off at band practice.

Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?

A: And I thought blondes were dumb!

*     *     *     *     *

If Lindsay Lohan made it through her cracked-out bleached-blonde lesbian jailbird phase,

you can make it through tomorrow.

You know what's hotter than a blonde? ABSOLUTELY nothing.

Blonding

I love blonde jokes!  So send me your favorites via NoteCard inworld and I'll try to post the best of them.

Photo and joke submitted by Moonie

Blonde Joke of the Week

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer.

She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire."

"What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Finally... a smart blonde joke. 

Blonding

I love blonde jokes!  So send me your favorites via NoteCard inworld and I'll try to post the best of them.

  Darn! I forgot again!

Photo and joke submitted by Erika Thorkveld

Blonde Joke of the Week

  Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"
Brunette: "I don’t know."
Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"

Blonding

I love blonde jokes!  So send me your favorites via NoteCard inworld and I'll try to post the best of them.

  Photo and joke submitted by Rachel Avro

Blonde Joke of the Week

A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Money Back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions).

The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one." The man packages the frog and says, "Just follow the instructions carefully."

The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do:

1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy teddy.
4. Crawl into bed and position the frog in place.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store." So, the girl calls the pet store.

The man says, "I had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over." Within five minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The girl welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there."

The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says: "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"